When I tell you about something upsetting going on in my life, it is not helpful to respond with a ton of OMGs or a barrage of questions I have clearly already asked myself. It isn't about you or your participation in my drama. You should be there to support me. "Ohmigod what are you going to do?" isn't helpful, nor is it any of your business until I decide to make it so. Especially when I say that I don't know and you ask me again and again and again.
Try, "That's tough. I'm here for you when and if you need me." No seriously. Try it. Just because I confide something in you doesn't mean I am giving you license to make it into some big drama fest you can use to make your own life feel calmer or easier. This is my life, not a movie; nor are we in high school anymore. Try considering that you're my friend and you care about me, and think about the impact your words and actions have on my life.
I remember when my dad died and everyone had some B.S., "He went to a better place," type of comment for me. I wanted to punch some of my closest friends and relatives in the face multiple times a day. Sometimes, even the most comforting words have an unintended negative effect.
So what I'm saying is: if you were using your brain for 3 seconds before you responded to me, your response might not have had as much to do with your need for excitement and might have actually been helpful and comforting.
I'm trying to overlook it because you're the only friends I've got,
Lauren
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